2011 was one of the lowest points in my life. I made all the wrong choices in friendship and in love. I was self-indulgent with other people’s attention and it blinded me in my actions. It didn’t hit me until much later on, that I was impulsive with my emotions. I let those who mattered to me, go, just so that I could have a renewed feeling of being loved by someone else. Even if I knew it was wrong. I lived on the idea of going with the flow of things, following my heart, and letting it take me wherever it landed. I was headstrong about it at the time, but it turns out, I was everything but it. I was stupid. I thought I knew what it meant to live. I was just seventeen then. Nothing in the world was my fault, or so I thought.
But I’m human. I know I make mistakes; some more shameful than others; ones I wish I never committed. But I’ve come to terms with the things I did, and I understand now that it needed to happen in order for me to grow; To truly realize that I love someone who has been nothing but good to me and I have been so undeserving of. I realize now, to never fall head first into something I want, just for the attention and the impulse of doing things. I’m eighteen now. I’m an adult, and I must take responsibility for everything I do.
Next year I’ll do better. I have the scars of my wrongdoings in the back of my mind. These mistakes will never resurface again. I promise.
