I don't understand
why I should bother fighting when I can’t even begin to comprehend the roots of this war. I’m at war with myself. And it looks like I’m losing.
March 2010
33 posts
I feel so choked up, my neck hurts.
The Last Song
officially opens up in theatres tomorrow. I want to watch it so badly, almost as badly as I did when Dear John came out. The Last Song is honestly one of his best works. It makes me sad though, because I wish I had that type of relationship that Ronnie shares with her dad, with my dad. Or even with my mom. The book is sweet, and shows how much a father could ever love a daughter. And how far a daughter would go for her father as well. If only I had that..
My wish is to watch the movie tomorrow, with my parents. I think it would be good for us, especially with what’s going on right now. I don’t think they’d even consider going though. But if they did, we could all definitely learn a thing or two from the relationships in the storyline. I think it would bring us closer, or at least be more understanding of each other.
But then again, a movie is a movie. It never happens in reality. Why wish for any more miracles to happen?
I reach a breaking point each night.
The pain will be easy to forget. Just pretend I was never here.
It amazes me how I’m still here. Breathing. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. I try to stay hopeful but with everything that happens, something just has to go bad. Just my luck. And that’s how it’s been my whole entire life. I don’t know where to go anymore. I don’t know where home is. I don’t even remember what being happy feels like. I don’t know who to trust. I don’t know who to run to. My life is chaos and confusion. I thought I had control. I thought I was strong enough to find a way to fix this. But I just can’t go through with it anymore. I’m giving up. I need someone to save me..
When the waves are flooding the shore, and I can’t find my way home anymore. That’s when I look at you.
I've lost almost everything I know, that matters to me.
But I’m still going to go on living. Whether people hate me or not. I may have disappointed you but people make mistakes. God forgives even the worst of sins. No sin is too great to forgive. And you know what? People can forgive too. Open your eyes and REALIZE that girls like me make these mistakes everyday. It’s just human nature. But what’s the point in living if mistakes are unforgiveable. It may be hard to gain trust back, but that’s understandable. Just as long as that person’s given the chance to earn it again.
I know one person’s out there looking out for me. And I’m thankful. Because she’s actually scared for me, and the direction my life is heading towards. I’m keeping my head up for you. I’ll always remember what you told me, and the secret you shared with me. Don’t worry too much about me.
If this is the way things were meant to turn out with the people I love. Then so be it. The damage is done and I can’t undo the past. Whether or not I grow up to live an unhappy life, whether or not I grow up to hate the people around me, and whether or not I regret every single thing I’ve done in my past, I’m still here on this world. And like I said before, I don’t need anyone else but myself to get through this lifetime. I don’t care anymore if it means being locked in a room for hours. I don’t care if I have friends, or anyone for that matter to care for me, because I’m still here.
As much as I don’t want to be.
This is killing me slowly. I’m never happy anymore. And the part that scares me the most, is when I lie on my death bed and look back, all I will think of is how unhappy of a life I lead. And how I disappointed and forever ruined the relationships that meant most to me.
Stop writing about me, as if I'm not going to read it.
You have got to be kidding me. Seriously ? I confronted you for a reason. I didn’t tell you off, did I ? Did I curse you off ? I just told you how it was to your face because I’m not a fake bitch. You’re supposedly my “best friend” so why can’t we just talk it out ? I just don’t think it was your business spreading around my personal life that I TRUSTED you with. Do you see me going around spreading your secrets with your boyfriend around? No. So give me that respect, at least. Plus, my decisions are my decisions. I do what I do. And you don’t have the right to judge if what I do is right or wrong. You even saw me crying in the lobby. And you have the guts to just walk past me like I don’t matter. That’s cold. Now you tell me. Are you really serious ? After I offered to help you see your boyfriend ? I know for a fact if I did the same thing to you, you wouldn’t be too happy with me. So stop bitching about me on the internet as if i ever did anything to you. Friends don’t tell each others secrets.
Oh. and you want to kill me ? GOOD FUCKING LUCK WITH THAT. Damn. Girls these days. Just know I would never have done this to you.
Here is where
I realize that when it comes down to it, all I reallly have is myself. Just me. Not my family, not my boyfriend, and not even my friends. I can only depend on myself to get through cause I can’t expect anyone to take on my burdens along with me. But honestly? I’m okay with that. Being alone isn’t so bad. It gives me time to figure my own self out, since no one else seems to understand me either.
Me, myself, and I that’s all I got. And in the end, that’s what I found out. And there ain’t no need to cry; I took a vow that from now on, I’ma be my own best friend.
Your promises are meaningless if you can't live up to what you say.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I’m just not strong enough yet.
Family is family. And that's that. I refuse to be scared.
I’ll face you with dignity. As the same people who raised me from birth to who I am now. No matter how difficult it will be. And although my faith has faltered, I’m not going anywhere.
My feelings are still there.
Everytime I pass your house, I still peer into your window, hoping to see the face I had longed for not so long ago. The face that I could call, mine. With just the same curiosity as before. Except this time, you’re someone else’s. An obsession that is not mine.
Put your beauty to rest.
He’s already in love with you.
No need to put on that make-up every morning. I’m sure he loves you for what’s underneath it. No need to dress up in designer clothing. He’ll still see a model in a white tee and sweats. No need to spray that perfume. The natural smell of your hair and skin will be enough to intoxicate him, each time.
Believe that beautiy is simplicity.
Paralyzing.
I lay in bed as the sound of what used to be our love, fades into my memory. Each hum, each beat, engraved in my mind. Engraved in my heart. The hook, the bridge, the chorus.. all remnants of a beautiful history, are the only pieces trailing behind of something I can hold on to. Like a fallen bridge. Except I’m still trying to find my way to overcome our ocean of obstacles. While you’ve already used the stepping stones of our stream to get past. Past me, and past us. I look over at your side, and you are still there. Waiting for me. But as our song begins to fade in my reality, I look again… and you are gone.
His cologne. The scent of our love.
- me: *laying down awkwardly so it looks like my heads floating.
- jomel: can you stop that. you look weird. you look like a baby
- me: *turns on ichat effect to something ugly
- jomel: oh, so that's why. you were using an effect too before this one
- me: ... uhm no ? that was normal... thanks.....
what video is this? and you musta saw my blog about hatin' on MAMA GAGA! haha
lol the telephone video, my friend told me to look at it and i did. it was horrendous and yeah, your blog relates to it too
Why
did Beyonce agree to making that video with Lady Gaga ? It looks horrible. Honestly. It makes no sense. It’s not cute. It’s not funny. And it has nothing to do with the song. Beyonce is out of her mind, joining the Gaga bandwagon. I can’t believe she did something so out of her style just because of her.
